He is such a slut. More and more my type.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
