i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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