I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
