He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
