how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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