Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
