Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
