it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize