dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
