Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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