I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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