you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So. Much. Porn.
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