I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
