my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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