Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
