Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
