I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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