Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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