They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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