Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize