They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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