Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
