I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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