I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
