Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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