Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
