just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
