I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Found the puke drawer
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
