Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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