Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize