I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
