dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
