Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
