Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
