I cannot find my penis.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish life had little blips of pornography
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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