You're so nebulous sometimes
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The air was thick with penises
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
