he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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