just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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