hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
