I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize