3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
