i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
