i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize