I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
