He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
