after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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