I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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