dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
