A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
