You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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