And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
