Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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