mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
