Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize