I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
