Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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