is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
