and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
