god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
