To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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