she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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