her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
did i just pee glitter
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
