Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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