Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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